Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman in today’s world can feel intimidating and sometimes, unattainable. The overbearing social pressures and expectations are overwhelming. But fear not, my dear sisters, for I have some tips to help you navigate these uncharted waters that have proven to help me on my own journey!
Let’s begin by reviewing this hefty passage of scripture:
Who can find a wife of noble character?
Proverbs 31:10-31
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will not lack anything good.
12 She rewards him with good, not evil,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from far away.
15 She rises while it is still night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her female servants.
16 She evaluates a field and buys it;
she plants a vineyard with her earnings.
17 She draws on her strength
and reveals that her arms are strong.
18 She sees that her profits are good,
and her lamp never goes out at night.
19 She extends her hands to the spinning staff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 Her hands reach out to the poor,
and she extends her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all in her household are doubly clothed.
22 She makes her own bed coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known at the city gates,
where he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes and sells linen garments;
she delivers belts to the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing,
and she can laugh at the time to come.
26 Her mouth speaks wisdom,
and loving instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the activities of her household
and is never idle.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also praises her:
29 “Many women have done noble deeds,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
31 Give her the reward of her labor,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.
Now, this is not one of those Proverbs 31 Woman posts where we dig deep into what each word means. That is a great way to study this passage, (and a great way to study scripture in any capacity, honestly) but we are going to take a little bit of a different approach. We will be talking about what the characteristics of this godly woman look like from a practical and culturally relevant perspective.
Please don’t hear me saying that this passage, word for word, has no relevance. That is not at all what I am saying. But when it comes to things like “She extends her hands to the spinning staff,
and her hands hold the spindle,” I think we can all agree that most women in today’s world aren’t sitting at spinning wheels to prepare to make clothing for their families (myself included).
Top 3 Must-Do’s for Proverbs 31 Women Today
First and foremost, you can’t take yourself too seriously. Yes, being a Proverbs 31 woman means being a virtuous and hardworking individual, but it also means having a sense of humor. Especially when things go awry. So go ahead and laugh at yourself when you accidentally burn dinner or forget to pick up the kids from school. It happens to the best of us!
Secondly, embrace your quirks. We all have them, so why not celebrate them? Maybe you’re a bit of a bookworm or a hopeless romantic. Maybe you love to sing in the shower or dance around the house in your pajamas. Or maybe you’re a “Disney Adult” like me! Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to let your colorful personality shine through. God created you with each of those quirks. If He saw it important and beautiful to weave them into your DNA, I think that proves the importance of embracing such qualities.
Lastly, surround yourself with like-minded women. We are created for a purpose- to engage in community with God and with others. It’s vital to have a support system that understands and encourages your desire to live a Proverbs 31 lifestyle. Find a group of ladies who share your values. They can provide accountability and encouragement as you strive to be the best version of yourself. A great place to start might be the Women’s Ministry at your church. Check to see if any upcoming Women’s Bible Studies are being offered. Plugging into that study can help to deepen relationships with a whole group of likeminded women.
So, a quick recap: 1. Don’t take things too seriously, be the most YOU that you can be, and plug into a community. Like Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”
The Modern Proverbs 31 Woman Today
Her Marriage
The Proverbs 31 woman is a timeless example of a “wife of noble character”. She is a woman who is full of integrity, loving, and virtuous. Her husband is blessed to have her as his partner in life and he recognizes that. He trusts her to provide for his every need, and she does so with joy and grace. Her love for her husband is evident in the way she rewards him with good things. She never repays him with evil or “getting even.”
Her Husband
In turn, the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman is a man of great character. He is well-known and revered, not only for his own accomplishments but also for the way he leads their family. His wife’s value is something he cherishes. He praises her for all that she does and knows that she is worthy of that praise. This paints a beautiful picture of the responsibility of each spouse. Both must bring equal amounts of energy and effort to their roles in the marriage/family unit. When the scales are balanced, peace is prevalent.
Together, the Proverbs 31 woman and her husband are an beautiful example to follow. They provide a picture of what it means to have a strong and loving partnership. They are both characterized by their noble character, their love for one another, and their commitment to their family. These qualities are just as important today as they were in biblical times. They serve as a model for all couples who strive to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Her Children
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today Provides Loving Instruction
One of a Proverbs 31 woman’s notable traits is her ability to give loving instruction to her children. She recognizes the value of teaching and guiding her children, and she does it with love and patience. This quality of the Proverbs 31 Woman is still relevant today. We seek to raise children who are not only successful, but also kind and compassionate. Colossians 3:21 reminds parents not to provoke their children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Ephesians 6:1-4 says something similar;
Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
I heard a wonderful sermon on parenting in 2022 that has stuck with me because of the profound revelation I had while listening. My husband and I don’t have any biological children on earth (we have one in Heaven), but we have had over 50 children live with us over the last four years as we’ve served in a ministry that serves kids in hard places. It is somewhat similar to Foster Care.
Learning to parent for the first time is challenging enough, but God thought it would be a good idea to have us learn with a house full of kids who have significant and varying levels of trauma. (Don’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor!)
The thing about kids in general, but especially kids with any measure of trauma, they really need consistency and that doesn’t just mean a structured daily routine. It absolutely also includes a need for the adults in their lives to have consistency in their attitude, tone, and the way they respond to situations.
Her Emotional Intelligence
I don’t believe these passages above are saying “do whatever it takes to make sure your children don’t get mad at you.” I do think that there is wisdom, though, in thinking that if we (as the parents) consistently speak to our children with love and respect, even when we are upset, correcting, etc., there will be a level of safety attained and some relational equity/ trust built up.
When children feel safe and like they can trust you, they are likely to respond to you differently. In that sermon I mentioned earlier, that profound revelation I had came when the pastor said “Yelling at children never builds trust. Yelling scares and moves children into submission. Overtime, that submission turns children into good soldiers and good prisoners, but not into productive members of society.”
All of this affirms the importance of giving loving instruction to our children and maintaining our own emotional intelligence.
She Seeks to Plan Ahead
Another characteristic of the Proverbs 31 Woman is her ability to plan ahead. She rises early to ensure that all those she cares for are provided for. As a a woman of action, she does not wait for circumstances to dictate her actions. She takes charge of her life and the lives of those around her. This quality is important now more than ever. As we face unprecedented challenges, we are required to be proactive and resilient in an ever changing world.
The Proverbs 31 Woman is also known for being prepared in advance. She is “not afraid for her household when it snows”. She ensures that her family is well-clothed and taken care of even in the harshest of weather conditions. This quality is a reminder for us to be prepared for whatever life may throw our way. We must learn to anticipate challenges. We can take proactive steps to ensure that we and our loved ones are ready to face them.
She is a Reputable Woman
Finally, the Proverbs 31 Woman’s children “rise and call her blessed.” They respect, honor, and love her. This is a testament to her character as a mother and a caregiver. Her children recognize her sacrifices and her love for them, which is a reflection of her devotion to her family. This quality is still relevant today. We strive to raise children who are grateful and respectful, especially toward their parents.
Her ability to give loving instruction to her children, plan ahead and rise early, prepare in advance, and be respected and loved by her children are qualities that are attainable in today’s world. By doing so, we can build stronger families and communities that are grounded in love, respect, and compassion.
Her Home
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today Pursues Wise Investments
The Proverbs 31 woman’s many admirable qualities are something to celebrate. These include her wisdom, her hard work, and her dedication to her family. Another celebration-worthy aspect of her character is her approach to managing her household.
Next, let’s discuss another desirable trait of the Proverbs 31 woman. She makes wise investments in the things that matter most to her family. When purchasing things like wool and flax, she does so with an eye towards quality and value. She does not simply settle for the cheapest or most convenient option. (Oof, that hits. Millenial/Lover of convenience over here!) She recognizes that spending a little extra money upfront can pay off in the long run. Both in terms of the durability of the items she buys and the satisfaction they bring to her family.
Additionally, the food she purchases is nutrient dense and not destructive to the body. In our modern world with fast food convenience, I find this one particularly convicting. How often have I chosen the more convenient-for-me option? Grabbing McDonald’s or a pizza for my kids instead of planning ahead for a nutrient rich meal is too easy. Honestly, isn’t it just as easy to throw something in the crockpot or pressure cooker? For me, it comes down to planning (or the lack thereof).
This goes back to wise investments. How do we spend our money? What do we spend our resources on? How do we use (or waste) our time? Surely, with a little planning, this is one area we can all start to see some growth (and blessings!)
She Understands Frugality & Sustainability
Similarly, the Proverbs 31 woman is notably frugal. She has an uncanny ability to make the most of what she has. When she can create something herself, she does so rather than relying on store-bought items. When she has a surplus, she puts her skills to work. By making (and even selling) linen garments, she is able to earn an income to help support her family. In a world riddled with MLM’s, we can see that this core desire remains. Women are seeking to industriously support their families in their limited spare time.
I am fully supportive of moms who want to work outside of the home full-time. Where would we be without these women and world changers? To the moms who have made the decision to stay at home full-time, your job is just as important. For any mom, finding the time to take a hot shower can be nearly impossible. The expectation that we also need to use our practically-non-existent free time to make additional income seems overwhelming and exhausting.
The Proverbs 31 woman shows us a beautiful and balanced way to do this. She stewards her earnings and invests them. Her investment becomes profitable and she collects on the return. The investment is wise financially because she know it will produce return after return, year after year.
Her earnings probably were not flashy sports cars, Apple Watches, or massive payouts. But we can be certain that the Lord always provides more than enough!
She is Disciplined & Intentional
Perhaps most importantly, the Proverbs 31 woman is an expert manager of her home and her family’s affairs. She is never lazy, always looking for ways to improve the lives of those around her. I assume this means she not only keeps their family calendar organized, but she intentionally pursues productivity as well. She recognizes that her role as a homemaker is just as important as any other career. She takes her responsibilities seriously.
In a world that often values convenience over quality, our priorities have become skewed. The world encourages us to accumulate more and more material “things”. The Proverbs 31 woman offers a refreshing example of what it means to invest in the things that matter most. Whether we are homemakers ourselves or looking to live more intentional lives, there is much we can learn from her example.
The Modern Proverbs 31 Woman & Her Personhood
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today is Admirable
Two of the most admirable qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman are her noble virtue and her highly valued worth. Her character is trustworthy, consistent and strong, and she is intentional with her time and energy. In today’s world, these qualities look like:
- Knowing our identity in Christ and walking confidently in it
- Not allowing ourselves to settle for less than we deserve
- Maintaining our integrity
- Living above reproach
Take note of this important reality. There is a real difference between knowing our identity in Christ and receiving it as truth. Honestly, I think this is one of those lifelong mysteries. We will be uncovering it, piece by piece, until Jesus returns. For example, it isn’t always possible to read “I am a child of God” and immediately feel and know it on a soul level. Part of the beauty of God’s plan for our sanctifying journey (and evidence of his lovingkindness) is to encounter those little crevices in our heart that struggle to believe thanks to the influences of our sinful world.
Once he reveals Himself to those parts of our hearts, we receive revelation of His truth. Once we have obtained that revelatory Truth, we are responsible to maintain our belief. This happens by remembering the moments when He reveals those truths. You can think of them as “stake-in-the-ground” moments that are never up for question again. Remember, the Word reminds us that our feelings can be liars! We have to rely on God’s Truth over our feelings. Every time. (You can read a little more about that here.)
She is Strong & Honorable
This woman is a superhero. Her money works for her while she balances her family and her many duties. She pursues hard work and ensures she meets her deadlines are met But she is not just about personal gain. She is also generous, giving to the poor and needy as she is able.
Overall, the qualities above all point back to two main, overarching qualities. The Proverbs 31 woman is strong and honorable. She is not insecure. She is a woman who confidently stays in her lane. Celebrating and making space for others is a priority. She is never petty or jealous. Her priority is to invest in developing wisdom so she can speak wisdom. Always staying in the Word, feasting & meditating on it, hiding it in her heart. She follows the commands of scripture and is “transformed by the renewing of [her] mind“. And she knows that being pretty and friendly bring her confidence but alone are fleeting. She understands that honoring God will outlast both and that is what is worthy of being noticed.
In Conclusion
Although her rewards may not always be earthly, she is (and will be) rewarded. Her reputation of being a great woman is a reward in itself. In a world that often values the wrong things, the Proverbs 31 woman stands out. She is a shining example of what it means to be truly valuable and honorable. May we all grow to be a little more like her in our daily lives.
PS, try not to spend too much time striving after the Proverbs 31 woman’s example. The only time scripture calls us to strive is in Hebrews 4:11 where we are called to strive to enter into His rest.
